Transformations
by EllieCullen0413
Summary: A series of one shots about the transformations that the Cullen's went through when they became vampires, their thoughts as they were burning and the events afterwards. The burning may have been the same, but the thoughts behind the flames were not.
1. Carlisle

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters**_

**_The burning may have been the same... but the thoughts behind the flames were not..._**

Carlisle: Survival

London, England 1663

_Burning._

_Burning._

_Burning..._

I could just about hear the screams from a man behind me. He had been attacked too? He was probably dead now. Am I dead? Is the burning I can feel the fires of hell pulling me down towards my fate? But I have always been so good, so moral, the son of a pastor. But I have killed, have I not? I may have not lit the fire myself, but I had hunted them, helped to find them. Witches, werewolves... _Vampires._ I found them for my father, to earn his love. I did not enjoy the act of taking life – no matter how evil these beings were, or what they had done to deserve this punishment. I had always worried if they were or weren't what they were claimed to be. And even if they were, did that mean that they deserved to die? So many women died at the hands of my father. Forgive me God. Forgive me for what I had done. But the burning did not stop. It continued, spreading throughout my body.

The footsteps of my fellow hunters drifted off towards the distance and I wondered how many of them would also die tonight.

A cold hand turned my head. "He's still alive." The voice gasped. "Carlisle? Who did this to you?"

I'm alive? No! I wanted to shout! No I'm not! But all that came out of my mouth was a piercing screech, affirming the voice's words. I was still alive.

"He's been attacked! By one of them! Didn't you see?" Another voice screamed. "You know what we have to do now don't you?"

I knew. I knew far too well. The body of anyone that was said to be attacked by a vampire was destroyed. Burned. The ashes scattered in the wind. Would this too be my fate?

"But it's the pastor's son! Surely that's sinful on some level?" The first voice said, stuttering. "He'll know what to do. We shall get him immediately. I'm not being sent to hell."

They too had left me, left me in the silence, left me to wait for my father to return and surely sentence me to my death. I could not let this happen. I could feel a sudden drive in my body, forcing me to preserve my life. Survival. I was fighting for survival.

I could feel my body leaving me. It would not be long before I was incapacitated, paralysed by the pain. This would lead to my death, to my murder. I would be murdered by my father. This image itself was enough to encourage my body to move. He would be forever tormented by that action, for I was positive that he would do it. I would not cause him pain, even in death. My arm reached out, pulling my body onto my side. I could see – not too far way – a small door. It was an entrance to a cellar. A place I knew was used as storage by a local farmer. I started to crawl over towards it, hoping that it was currently being used and not empty. My vision was blurry, due to the pain I assumed, but as I opened the wooden door I could see a large mound of potatoes. I looked behind me, checking to see if I had –without knowing – left a trail of my own blood following me, showing my hiding place. In the dark distance I could see beacons of light heading this way. They were torches, belonging to my father's group. I had little time.

I closed the door behind me and buried myself in the vegetable pile, letting the infection spread. The smell was unintelligible; these potatoes had been left here for some time. Had the owner of this stock fallen victim to these monsters? He had lived and worked so close to their layer.

Monsters, I repeated to myself. That is what I was becoming. But only temporarily. Just because I didn't want my father to kill me didn't mean that I didn't want to die. I could not allow myself to continue to survive, for my survival would mean death for others. As soon as there was no danger of anyone finding me, I would escape and find a way to kill myself.

"Where is he?" It was the voice of my father.

"He – he was right here!" The voice that had spoken to me earlier said.

"Maybe the beast returned to take him again." The other one spoke.

"Carlisle!" My farther screamed. "Carlisle!" Again.

"What do you want us to do?" The first voice said again.

"Search for him. Find him. Bring him to me." My father replied.

"But what if he's..." The second voice whimpered.

"Don't be such a simpleton! Even if he was... infected... he won't turn for another three days. You know that!" My father balled at the two men.

"That's if he is still alive." The other man whispered.

"Go! Now!" My father screamed.

I could hear two sets of footsteps running off, followed by the sound of my father's sobs. The sound was enough to almost make me forget about the burning that was still forcing its way through my body. Almost.

Suddenly a creaking sound came from the wooden door separating me from the world. A shred of moonlight sliced through the room. Someone was here. I was sure that I was now incapable of moving. This was it now, I would not be able to escape anymore. I would either be found and killed, or left and transformed.

"Son?" The voice whispered. My father. He hardly ever called me son, always Carlisle. The word provoked a strong emotion within me. I loved my father dearly and was so sorry that he would have to lose me.

My father sighed, closing the door behind him as he left. It appeared as though my father had decided my fate, and for that I was thankful. He would not have to kill his only son and then lie to my mother about my death. Instead he would go back and tell her the truth, that I had been taken and most likely killed. By doing this she would encourage – no beg- him to keep hunting and keep killing the beings that took her son's life... and he would. I prayed silently, hoping that he would not be killed fulfilling her wishes.

***

The burning continued for the next three days. I prayed and prayed to God, asking him to end it. I continually screamed internally, not wanting anyone to know I was here. The pain was excruciating. How could a God so benevolent allow such suffering? Was I even being cared by him anymore? Had I fallen from his loving grasp into the clutches of hell? No. No! God would never give up on me. This burning was punishment for my sins. And I would endure it. Soon I would walk alongside him in the kingdom of heaven, and all would be well.

As time went on, my senses sharpened. The smell emanating from the rotten potatoes was dire, becoming more disgusting every second. I could hear the footsteps of people walking along the street outside my own personal sanctuary. I could hear conversations from people in houses yards away from this small, isolated shed. I could hear the cries from my mother after my father had called off the search. I could hear the prayers she was saying from her knees at the spot where I had last been seen.

"Father in heaven, please look after my dear son, my beautiful, intelligent, moral son. Comfort him when he is sad and rejoice with him when he is happy. Do not let him fret when he looks down on us, but instead lay a gentle hand on his shoulder and assure him of our love for him. Tell him that one day, I will once again be by his side and walk with you both through the kingdom of heaven. Amen."

Her words brought tears to my eyes, but they would not shed. They just stayed there, behind my eyes. It was then that I realised that I would never again shed a tear for the ones that I have lost, for the ones that I have left behind.

My time in this catatonic state gave me time to fully reflect on my life. On the choices I had made, on my accomplishments, on my regrets. I regret that I would never find love. I regret that I would never be able to have a family, the two things that I have always wished for. A wife to dote on every day for the rest of my life, to love passionately for the rest of my existence and a son of my own to pass on my wisdom, to teach him the ways of the lord, just like my father did to me. I was only twenty-three, but there were many men my age that had these things. How I envied them.

***

I had no idea how long it took as time seemed to have little meaning for me, but eventually the burning eased. My toes were the first to be free of the pain, and ultimately, but very slowly, this continued up my body. I expected the pain to ease upon my heart, but instead it stayed... it even increased, building up in my chest. For the second time in three days I gave into the fire and screamed. The sound was unlike any that I had heard before. It was not human. It was... beastly. It showed me in one second what it was that I had become. I prayed still that no one would come to investigate. As the screamed decreased in volume, I eventually found my body again. I could move. The pain increased still. Building up. Unbearable. I flew out of the foul smelling heap of potatoes and threw myself into the wall, breaking it in the process, revealing the edge of the forest lit only by the moonlight, but I could still see every leaf for a few miles at least. I fell to my knees as my heart finally stuttered to a stop.

Then, there was nothing. There was nothing, but there was also so much. So many colours, even in the apparent darkness. So many sounds, even in the loneliness of the night. So many... _smells_... and with that, I ran. The speed at which I took off was outstanding. I had never seen anything move this quickly. But despite the speed, I could still see every detail of every object around me. Every leaf, every speck of dirt, every animal – big and small – that were running away from my presence.

I didn't know where I was going. I just wanted to find an isolated place to plan my death. I would not become the monster that seemed even now to be so natural. I will not hurt the people I know. I will not hurt _anybody... _apart from myself.

***

My hope was fading. My attempts of death had all failed. I had thrown myself off a church roof – ironically. It was, by law, the tallest building in these towns. Tall enough to kill any man that fell from its peak. But instead of falling, my body landed, on my feet, perfectly, without a sound. I tried again, forcing myself to take the full impact on my back and again on my head. Both times the only injured party what the stone floor.

I had thought that maybe this wasn't a tall enough height. I had run to Scotland, just about remembering the stories of the tall hills, mountains and cliffs. I endeavoured once again, the same tactics I had used before, but the same results came about. This was not affecting me or this stone like body at all.

My last try had landed me on by the seas edge. It was once again night and the moonlight was reflecting beautifully on the water... _the water... _A new idea occurred to me, and I was ashamed that I had not thought of it earlier. I ran into the water immediately and without hesitating took in a breath full of water. As it filled my lungs I rejoiced, so thankful that it was finally over. But it finally turned sour. As I instinctively breathed out, the water just left my lungs. I tried again – taking a bigger breath in. But the water acted as though it was the finest air. There were many things I had yet to learn about this species, but I prayed once again that I would never have to... However, it appeared as though I was quickly running out of ideas.

***

The sun had set two hundred and eighteen times since my last attempt to end my existence. I had given up and tried to starve myself from the blood that I craved. I found a cave and dug a hole inside of it with my hands. I buried myself with dirt, sticks and twigs. The effort to preserve life had taken its toll on me. The fire in my throat was close to the fire that had ripped its way through my body all of those days ago. I had caught my reflection in the river before I had hidden here – my eyes were as black as charcoal. I looked awful, a being without a shred of humanity within him. I had been here for so long. How long would I have to stay before I would die?

Suddenly I was flying through the forest, with no command or permission from my mind. I tried to comprehend what was happening, but I could not identify any thoughts. As quick as it had happened, it was suddenly over. I was still. My throat was tamed significantly. I had tasted blood. I had killed. I had succumbed to the monster within me. The monster that I never wanted to be. The monster that I had tried so hard to fight. But as my vision returned to me, I was able to see that the being that had met its end had not been a human... it was a deer. My conscience started to glow within me and for the first time in a long while, I smiled.


	2. Jasper

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters.**_

Jasper: Drafted

Galveston, Texas 1863

_Burning_

_Burning_

_Burning_

I was unaware of what was happening to my body. My legs had buckled and I was collapsed on the dirty, sandy ground – writhing in complete agony. I had seen many men suffering from some horrific injuries in the past two years of being a soldier. Many of them cried out in pain, screaming, crying for their mothers. I had been lucky – I had never been injured, I had always managed to avoid pain despite being the first one to run into battle. But this pain... It is _excruciating_! I felt that I was being torched alive from the inside out. And for this pain to be brought on by being attacked by a woman... a _girl_ – how did this happen?

The only other thing I could feel was two cold points of pressure, one under my shoulder and the other under my legs. I opened my eyes to see a blur of scenery passing me by and the face of a beautiful angel carrying me. To heaven? No. No it must be hell... she is carrying me to hell for all of my sins. I have killed. Killed so many. The burning spreading through me did nothing but support my thoughts.

My eyes focused on the angels face. I was then able to see that this was no angel. Quite the opposite. Her scarlet eyes pieced into my own.

She sighed as if she was pondering. "Hmm, you are a fighter aren't you? I am surprised that you are still conscious."

"What... what have you done to me?" I managed to splutter out.

She laughed darkly. "I have drafted you, my dear, just as you were drafted into the Confederate army. But my army is much, much more supreme than yours and we fight for so much more than your petty humans do."

She was no angel and she was no human.

"Where are you taking me?" I tried to shout, but all that came out was a whisper. I doubted that the monster would have even heard me. I was about to scream it once again, desperate for an answer, when she answered.

"I'm taking you somewhere to wait while you change. Somewhere far away, I don't need anyone to hear your screams."

"Change? Change into what? What have you done to me?" I screamed, trying to escape from her arms. But, I didn't even move, and she didn't even have to tighten her grip.

She laughed once again. "One of the most powerful creatures in the world." She said looking right into my eyes. "You will be a good one as well. Strong, I bet. A good fighter... It might even save your life." She added as she looked away.

The strong woman stopped suddenly at the front of a dark building. Before she opened the door I took one last look at my surroundings. The Texan dessert spread around me for as long as I could see in the pitch dark of the night's sky. The sight inside the building was even worse... I could count three other men and a women spread around the room. All of them screaming and writhing in pain. I was laid next to one of them and knew that this would too be my immediate fate. I could feel the pain increasing every second. There was no hope, and I doubted that there ever would be again.

***

Time went on, but the pain did not subside. I could feel every inch of my body, both inside of me and out, and every inch was on fire.

I looked around me and the other bodies surrounding me. Some were screaming, their bodies almost looked contorted, one lay still with his hands clamped tight.

"This one will be ready soon." A voice said, almost chiming like bells.

I looked over to where the sound was coming from and saw two females crouching over one of the bodies. I recognised them both from _that_ night, two days ago – I think.

"A matter of minutes." The other woman said.

"Shall we move him out of here? There is still blood running through these bodies. There are still hearts beating." The first voice said again.

"I do believe that is my decision." The voice came from the woman that had carried me here. This was the first time I had seen her since then and this made fury build up within me. I screamed out towards her, hating her with every ounce of hate I had within me. The sound was unlike any of the other screams I had heard from either me or the bodies surrounding me. It was aggressive, ferial and beastly. The three heads turned sharply to face me.

Suddenly the blond haired woman launched herself at the woman who appeared to be in charge. Their bodies collided with a loud crack, sounding like a thunder storm. They smashed through a wall, breaking it easily. The room suddenly lit up as the sun shone through the hole. The female that was left looked like she lit up in the light. Beams of sunlight bounced off her, enlightening the whole room. She looked at me with an inquisitive face, sparkling as though she was made of millions of tiny diamonds.

The two women were suddenly back in the room. The one in charge pinned the blond up against the wall by her neck.

"You fool! How dare you attack me? Do you have a death wish?" She growled into the blonde's face.

"I'm sorry Maria.... sister." She pleaded. "I don't know what came over me. I was just overcome with fury and anger. I just had the urge – no, _impulse_ to attack you."

Maria pulled her forward and then smashed her into the wall once again. "_What _are you talking about?" She screeched.

"Stop!" The sparkling one said. "It's him..." She added, looking at me. "He was the one who was angry. The fury was building in him and somehow he forced that upon Lucy. Maria? Surely you felt it too? I know I did."

Maria dropped the blonde who landed on her feet, uninjured. Incredible. "I knew you'd be special." She said looking at me.

"Nettie? Are you saying that he can... control our feelings?" Lucy said, stepping forward slowly.

I had no idea what was happening to me. Were the flames inside my body changing my whole being?

"He's developing an ability." Nettie said, nodding her head with a devilish smile on her face.

"Well, we will find out tomorrow..." Mary turned on her heels. "Speaking of which..." She stalked back to the man and picked him up easily, throwing him over her shoulders as if he were made of nothing but air. "See you tomorrow, Major Jasper Whitlock." She said smiling.

She walked away with the other two females. I could hear their fast footsteps for another forty seven seconds before they finally disappeared. I would find out tomorrow. Did that mean that this would be over tomorrow? Would I ever find out what I was? I once again was overcome by the flames scorching my body and screamed, and was joined by another four coming from the others.

***

The sun started to rise again and seeped through the hole in the wall of this abandoned house. As the sun light moved closer to me on the floor, the pain started to disappear... ever so slowly. It started to crawl from my toes and my fingers.

I had strategized throughout the night , to form an escape plan. I had realised that at some point I would be able to have control of my body again, meaning I would have my strength. It shouldn't be any problem to fight off three women. And, if true, this _ability_ I seemed to acquire... it could come in very handy. If possible I would try to calm them so much that they would feel no need to attack or stop me and if that was not in my power than I would do as I did before and turn them on each other, giving me a chance to escape.

During the night Nettie and Lucy had taken away the other three bodies, all at different times throughout the night. I was the last one, left by myself. The pain had now left all of my limbs allowing me to have some control over them. But the throbbing just moved to my chest, pounding my heart. Surely it could not last much longer. I felt as though it would explode from my chest any time now.

The sunlight kept creeping towards me. It moved up my uniform – which I was still wearing - and finally came into contact with my bare hand. For the second time since I was brought here the room was lit up with millions of beams of light. Despite the beauty, I was repelled by the sight for it meant that I had turned into one of them. I expected to light to blind me, but I did not need to turn my head away, it did not hurt to look towards it. I could see every speck of light. I could see every colour it reflected – one of which I was sure I had not seen before.

I could hear a set of footsteps coming towards the house and a few seconds later Maria appeared at the door. "Good Morning." She said, as if this was just any normal day. "One of the benefits of being the last – you don't need to be moved."

She walked over to me gracefully. "It will be over in a few minutes Jasper. Your heart is beating very fast."

I refused to answer her – though it went against everything I had been taught throughout my life. I had to keep reminding myself that this was no lady – she was nothing but a monster.

"You have dealt with the pain very well. Many men before you have screamed endlessly for the whole three days. I remember my own transformation, I was no better." She was speaking to me as if she was a dear friend.

She stroked my hair gently and I suddenly felt a feeling of admiration for her, though I knew that I hated her to the pit of my stomach. A part of my mind theorised that it could not have been my emotions that I was feeling, but _hers. _Not only that but they were effecting my own!

"What is happening to me?" I whispered.

She sighed. "You are turning into a vampire, Jasper. This is what you are now, and will be for the rest of you days."

I had never been a superstitious man. Never believed in anything other than what I had seen for myself... until _that _night. As soon as I saw the three faces of Maria, Nettie and Lucy I would have claimed anything to be true... I was thankful for this final realisation of what I was. The burn in my throat that I had assumed was just part of this transformation was now much more prominent and unique – unattached from the burning that was building in my chest alone, and it only confirmed her words. But that was not what I meant by my question.

"No. Before, I changed your feelings and now I can _feel _yours." I strained.

She smiled. "My, my. You are very special indeed. Jasper, there are many of our kind. Hundreds, maybe even thousands. No one knows and I doubt no one ever will. As you may have seen we all have extraordinary strength and speed, and you will already probably be able to hear and see much more that you did when you were human. There are some, however, a very small handful, who have capabilities that are unique and astonishing. There is a coven far away, in a different country, they see themselves as the leaders..." She said with a fierce voice, "some say that they collect vampires with abilities like yours to make themselves even more powerful than they already are. Their leader can read minds when he touches you, they have one that can find anyone and anything anywhere in the world, they have one who can inflict pain – second only to the pain of the transformation – and another who can make you feel nothing." She shuddered at a thought.

"You're scared." I said, simply.

She laughed once to herself. "Amazing. That coven has come here before. To sort out a... problem..." She drifted off. "I'm just hoping that they won't come back... but maybe I could find someone to keep that from happening..." She said smiling at me.

"Me? But how can I stop tha-" A sharp blast of searing pain pounded at my heart. This was it, my death was imminent. It felt as though a hot hand and crushed its way into my chest and was ripping at my heart. I screamed, so loud that even Maria was shocked.

"Jasper, it is fine. It's nearly over." She held on to my hand tightly and I held her back. Two more stuttering beats... and it was over.

I lay perfectly still. Nothing in my body moved. It came ever so naturally.

"Jasper?" Maria said, gently. "You're fine. I need you to listen to me really carefully and keep yourself calm."

I opened my eyes and the room looked like a different place than it had those vital seconds ago. I tried to remember the plan that I had formulated not so many hours ago, my plan to escape. But now I could not think of the reason why I would ever need to. I was wanted here, I was needed. And I needed her too, she knows what she is doing; she practically oozes with confidence, courage and the urge to fight – something I could easily relate to.

"I – I need you, Maria." I begged.

"The feeling is mutual, Jasper."

The smell of something divine caught my attention and suddenly I lost all of my humanity. Something was building in my mouth and my throat was dry and scorching. My muscles tensed and my body crouched in such an animalistic way. At that moment I had no memories, no coherent thoughts, just the desire... for blood.

I noticed that Maria's head turned to face the door. "But first things first..." She raised her eyebrows at me temptingly. "You need to feed."

I ran to find the source of the delicious scent, which was devilishly easy. Within three seconds I had found the humans that bore the scent. I was unaware of their faces, I had no idea what they looked like. All I could see was a red mist and all I could hear was the blood pumping through their bodies. I instinctively leaped forwards into their necks, emptying them both easily and quickly.

I could sense that Maria was behind me, her scent was easily recognisable to me. "I'm still... thirsty." I growled.

"I know, you will be for a long time. But you must not hunt again until night fall."

"Why?" I screamed, snapping my teeth angrily in her face.

She was not scared of me. "You're making it very hard for me to stay calm, Jasper. You don't seem to realise that if you keep making me as angry and _thirsty _as you are then I'm going to have to kill you myself. You will not expose us!" She balled back at me.

I had no doubt that she spoke the truth when she said she would kill me, I could just as easily sense that as I could sense her confidence.

"There are rules, Jasper and you will abide by them." As I calmed myself, her body seemed to relax. Her shoulders dropped and she closed her eyes. "It would have been nice to have you around earlier with the other newborns. They were not so easy to... control."

I tried to remember the faces of the bodies that lay beside me, burning as I was, but I could not.

"Oh well," Maria continued, more to herself than to me. "Three isn't a bad number. Would have been nice to have all five but," She caught my eye and smiled "three will do. Especially with _you,_ Jasper. Would you like to meet your brothers in arms? Maybe you could keep them from killing each other." She said as she walked away, expecting me to follow her.

***

Throughout the day Maria had explained the rules to me. Do not come out during the day, do not leave the human bodies lying around after feeding, do not converse with any other vampires except the ones in our army and do not expose myself to anyone.

All six of us had made our way to the outskirts of New Mexico as soon as darkness fell. Maria had given us all instructions to feed as much as we wanted but we had to make sure each victim was from a different part of the city. _"Feed and move on" _She had said.

"This is unbearable!" One of the other newborns said.

It was so hard trying to keep myself in control with the thirst of five other vampires controlling my every thought. Maria had told me to keep everyone calm while we waited and it took every ounce of strength that I had to do so.

"Keep to the roof-tops." She started. "Don't make any sound. Find humans that are by themselves. Once you have fed, hide the bodies and move on."

Her words started a frenzy within me. I remembered how the mouth-watering the blood of the other humans had been and I wanted nothing more than to feed again. I leapt to the nearest roof and ran until I found my meal.

I was so close to the city centre – the highest populated area – when I was suddenly overcome with a sense of pure happiness. This happiness buried the bloodlust that was controlling my every movement. I could feel this warm emotion pulling me towards it. I jumped down the side of the house and looked in through the window.

A young girl was playing with her older brother. Toys scattered the floor. Their parents sat arm in arm by the side of them. Their features all looked so similar, exactly the same shade of skin lit up their faces, and a dark chestnut shade of hair covered each of their heads. The young girl laughed and it made me want to laugh. A smile grew on my lips, which felt so foreign, despite being this way for no more than a day. I watched the family for a few minutes before the young girl looked up at the window where I was standing.

"Papa." She said, inquisitively. "Look." Pointing at me. "Monster."

Her mother laughed and then followed her daughter's finger. She stared into my deep, red eyes and screamed. Before she finished my lips were already at her throat. She was drained instantly.

I was besieged by feelings of terror, horror and pure shock. Screams and tears filled the room. They tried to get away, they even tried to fight, but they were dead before they could register what was happening.

"Mama." A voice cried.

I looked up at the girl, her parents and brothers blood on my hands. She was scared, so scared that I too felt it.

"I'm sorry." I said as I was about to leave. I had broken almost every one of Maria's rules.

"I was hoping it wouldn't be you." A different voice said from behind me. Maria's, I recognised easily. "Not a good first try, Jasper. But I have seen worse."

She walked over to the girl quickly. "I hope you weren't going to leave her."

"No!" I cried as she snapped her neck and drained her too.

A monster, the girl had called me.

I truly was.


	3. Edward

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters**_

**_(A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update... Edward is such a complex fellow... but we love him :) hope you enjoy xxx)_**

Edward: Rebellion 

Chicago, Illinois 1918

_Burning,_

_Burning,_

_Burning..._

Death. I thought it was going to be easy. I've seen many people die from this illness. Despite their pale faces, weak eyes and sweaty skin, they all looked peaceful in death, almost as if they were drifting off into a sweet slumber. I had felt that too, almost as if I was surrounded by clouds, about to carry me away. I was close too, I could feel it. I could feel my heart rate slow, and my breathing with it. But instead of peacefully falling into my eternal sleep, I felt a cutting heat sear my throat and start to race through my body. My lethargic heart immediately jolted as though it was being wrenched from my chest and started a fire within me. Was this my judgement? I had heard enough of hell to know that this is where I was... But why? I have lived a good life, my mother had raised me in to a well mannered young man. Was it my eagerness to go to war? My eagerness to fight... to kill? My mother had not wanted me to go to war. Though she never said it aloud, I could tell, she always gave herself away. The way her eyes fell whenever the word was mentioned, her weak smile whenever my father and I discussed it over dinner, the way she studied my reactions to soldiers leaving and returning home. She was almost too easy to read. I would miss her ever so much and prayed that she had not gone through this pain. I had so many questions that I knew would never be answered, but if one thing was for certain, if there was _one _thing I knew, it would be that my mother had gone to heaven when she passed. No one was as pure and kind hearted as her. No, she was in heaven, and she was well.

I was suddenly aware of two cold points of pressure cradling me, carrying me. I was confused. My eyes were too weak and I could not open them, and all I could hear was the sound of screaming which was unusual. The hospital in which I had stayed had been a busy, but quite place, full of people dying painlessly, so the scream seemed so foreign, but also so appropriate. It appeared to correspond perfectly with my own pain, growing louder as the pain soared. An unexpected cool breeze was welcomed on my scorching skin, but did not tame the fire within me at all. But as soon as it was present, it had disappeared, replaced by a soft texture beneath my back though it felt as if I were sitting. I was so very confused, and disorientated. I felt like I was being made to wait to die, sitting in a waiting room at limbo with the screams of the damned surrounding my ears. I shut them out, and instead listened to the prayers, of who I assumed, were the blessed watching over me.

***

As I regained consciousness I felt as though the pain was starting to evaporate from my fingers and toes and my senses were coming back to me. At first I thought I would welcome the return of my awareness, but with it came the understanding of what was happening to me.

I was not dead. I was still alive, here on earth.

My eyes registered the room that I was in. It was not the dim hospital that I thought I would die in. It was not the realm of hell that I felt as though I should be in. It was not the comfort of heaven that I deserved to be in. It was not the waiting room of limbo that I had felt trapped in... I was in a _living room_.

My eyes seemed to take in much more than they ever had. The room appeared dark, but I could still see everything, as though there was a dim light somewhere. I could see that my body was not the pile of ashes that I expected it to be. I was still wearing the hospital pyjamas. The doctor, Doctor Cullen, was still with me. His head was buried in his hands and he was quietly praying. He must have so many people to see to... why was he sitting here with me? Where was I?

"Doctor Cullen." I managed to cough out, his head suddenly rose and he stared at me intensely.

"Edward?"

"You can go. You do not need you to stay. You must have so much to do."

"Edward, we're not at the hospital anymore." He barely whispered. "I'm so sorry, but you have to understand. I have to tell you what I have done to you..."

He told me the tale of how he came to be. It seemed so far-fetched, as though he was telling me an old wives tale, a horror story that you were told as a child. But he spoke with such sincerity. His eyes were filled with secrets and stories and looked far too old for his youthful face. I had no doubt that he was telling the truth, and it scared me. It scared me, petrified me. There were so many emotions running through my body... anxiety, fear, confusion, and horror when I finally realised that the constant sound of screaming, was coming from _my_ lips.

***

I had lost all sense of time when my heart beat its final beat. I could feel the strength in my body, I could hear so much, I could see _everything_, I could feel the burn in my throat that was just compelling me to run and hunt – to feed the fire in an attempt to tame it.

Dr Cullen stood opposite my defensive posture with his hands raised. "Edward it's me, Carlisle. Do you remember what I told you? Do you know what you are now? _What have I done? What if he can't hunt like me? By bringing him into this world I have effectively sentenced others to death. I was just so lonely; I couldn't bear to be by myself any longer._"

"Yes, I remember." I replied, confused by his words. His lips didn't even appear to move, but I couldn't focus properly. "And I can feel it. I want to hunt, Carlisle. I can't even begin to think before I feed. I'm so thirsty." My anxiety was building and I needed to get out of this house.

"Of course, come with me. We'll hunt immediately. Try to keep up with me, don't fall too far behind." He said, as though this was so normal.

He took off out of the nearest window and landed on the ground below without a sound. "_Come on Edward_, you can do it. It's easy – instinctive."

I jumped down after him and was quickly by his side. "_Oh, he's fast._" Carlisle said, though it appeared he was talking to himself more than me. Within a second, I was ahead of him, enjoying the speed at which I was running. I had never seen anything run this fast. It seemed as though there were some advantages to this life. I could get used to this. _"Very fast!"_

"Faster than you!" I replied, as I laughed.

_"He's happy? Maybe what I did was right. Maybe he'll stay with me now." _

It annoyed me slightly that Carlisle kept speaking as if I was not here, but I was too disorientated to think of a reply. I didn't know what to do.

I stopped suddenly and Carlisle stopped by my side. "What do I do?"

Carlisle smiled to himself. _"Good question. My first hunt wasn't exactly orthodox."_ Once again, his lips didn't move when he spoke. "I think this is an appropriate area." He said looking around. _"Ah, yes, I found a bear around here once. _Just try to relax, and listen."

His words were so simple, but as he spoke, I understood. I gave myself in to my senses, and let them control everything. I was running again, following a compelling scent.

I had killed the large bear before I even had time to comprehend what was happening to me.

_"That was so fast. I wouldn't be able to stop him if he caught on to the scent of humans. But he's doing well... it may be all right." _

My mind had regained its rationality since feeding and I decided to speak up against his constant barrage of low expectations. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?" He asked.

"You're analysing me, everything that I do! You keep doing it. I know you've been by yourself for a long time, but don't you realise that I can hear you?"

"Edward, I don't understand what you mean? I haven't said anything like that."

"Do you think I'm simple? I just heard you! You said that I was too fast to catch if I lost... control."

He looked at me powerfully, as if he was seeing me for the first time. "_Of course! Oh, how wonderful! _Edward," he said questioningly. "Can you tell me what I'm thinking?"

I was completely confused by his question. I was flooded by words and images running through my head, but they were not mine. It was only when I saw that Carlisle's lips were not moving _at all _that I realised that his question made sense.

_Can he hear me? Is he able to read my mind? The only one I've known to do that is... _He was thinking about a large hall, with marble pillars reaching up ever so high. The image was so vivid, as if I was looking at it now. In the middle of the hall were three figures dressed in black robes. Their eyes were a piercing red.... _Aro. But Edward is not even touching me. Edward? _

"Edward?" He repeated verbally.

"You're thinking many things. I can hear and see them all. You were thinking about a large hall, I would assume Renaissance period, and a man named Aro. But I could differentiate an underlying thought. I could hear it as though you were talking to me. 'Can he hear me? Is he able to read my mind?'"

_Fascinating. He could only think of what was going through my mind at that specific time. But not just what I wanted him to see... he could hear even my subconscious and causal thoughts._

"Is this a common occurrence?"

Carlisle just shook his head. "I've only ever known of - "

"One." I cut him off. "Aro."

_Amazing. _"It looks as though we have much to discuss, Edward." He smiled.

***

_It is so hard. Too hard. I am finding it impossible to feed off of animals alone. It has been a month since I have slipped up and fed the way I should feed – them normal way. There is a part of me that, no matter how distracted I am, always pleads my mind for human blood. It is easier for Carlisle – he has never tasted the purity, the beauty of human blood. If he had then he would never bother with the farce of animals. He doesn't understand that I will never be like him, and I doubt that anybody ever will. But still, I stay. I stay because Carlisle is a good man. He lived in a world made solely of bloodlust and murder but somehow managed to shine with compassion, honour and morality. His only wish was to have someone share his world. But the one he chose to share that honour wants nothing more than to join the world he fought so hard to escape from. _

I stopped writing as I heard Carlisle approaching the house, returning home from work at the hospital. He wished to go hunting tonight and was thinking about asking me to join him.

"Edward." He greeted. "You've been writing again, I see." _A good form of release. _"I hope it is helping."

"It helps me priorities things correctly." I breathed, closing the journal. "You wanted to go hunting?" I asked, changing the subject.

He smiled. "Yes, are you coming too?" _He doesn't look too thirsty, but he's still young. It would be a good idea either way. _

I laughed once to myself. "You're right; it would be a good idea."

He laughed in reply, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry Edward. It might take a while to get used to this. I'll try to be more considerate."

"Please, do not worry Carlisle." I stood up and walked towards the window. Speaking about hunting _had_ made me thirsty. "Let's go."

After running for no longer than twelve seconds, I caught the smell of a herd of deer to the North West. A snarl escaped my chest as I lunged towards a large male. I sank my teeth into its neck and the pulsating blood filled my mouth quickly. The rest of the herd had not even realised then attack by the time Carlisle jumped on another. We drained the rest between us within a couple of minutes, chasing the last few down within a few seconds.

I wiped some of the blood from around my mouth and licked it off of my fingers. "Ergh, what I would do for some carnivore blood!" The taste of meat-eaters was always nicer than that of herbivores.

"You'll learn to live with it." He smiled.

Suddenly his face fell and he looked at me worryingly as if he was inspecting my reaction.

No more than a tenth of a second later I caught the smell of humans and my body coiled to chase them down. Carlisle – who was standing upwind from me and had obviously picked up the scent before – jumped to my side. His thoughts gave him away and I easily diverted his attempts to restrain me.

"Edward! Stop!" He cried. _Edward, please! Stop yourself! You can do it. Be strong._

He could not stop me. Carlisle was not fast enough to catch me and not strong enough to stop me.

An isolated house came into view and the scent of three humans pulled me towards it. I snapped each of their necks before they would scream and attempt to run away. I had drained two of them before Carlisle appeared at the doorway. The third body was bent and broken in my arms, his neck at my lips.

"Edward," he whispered, holding his hands up defensively, "stop. You can do it."

But what a waste it would be. He was already dead and the blood coursing through his body was quickly going cold – ruined.

"Edward." He repeated. _Son, stop._

Son, he called me son.

I dropped the body and ran away, hearing Carlisle following me. I stopped as soon as I knew I was away from the draw of human blood. I turned to face Carlisle, but found it almost impossible to look at him. His forgiving, golden eyes bore into my deadly red.

"I can't do this anymore!" I exhaled loudly.

"Edward, you just walked away from a kill – willingly. That's a good thing!"

"How is it a good thing Carlisle? I just killed a family. I just _killed_ three innocent people!" I sighed again. "I have let you down too many times, I know you see me as a... son, so you must understand how difficult it is for me to keep disappointing you. It hurts me to hear you prayers that wish me to be stronger, to hear your guilty thoughts about bringing me into this world, your regrets."

"I do not regret changing you, Edward."

"Not consciously." I snubbed.

He sighed and rubbed his head with his right hand. "Edward," he breathed.

I knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell me that he needed me, that he can teach me control and that these mistakes are a part of my nature. He didn't want me to leave, but on some level knew that it was inevitable. "Will you return?"

"I don't know."

_I hope you do, truly._

"I know."

***

It had nearly been a year since I had left Carlisle and the night had begun in an identical way to the rest.

Of course, I remembered the first night I had run away. I was sitting on the edge of a local town, torn between my conscience and my deepest needs. I had been sitting there for a couple of hours when the scream of a young girl penetrated my mind. Her thoughts and words hit me at the same time, both of them echoing each other.

"Help me! Help!" _Oh God, get off me! _

I came around the corner of the dark alley where the girl was being attacked just in time to see a tall, large man about to throw her against the brick wall. I estimated that the force of the impact with the wall would most certainly cause her blood to pour and therefore cause her life to end by my hands. Neither the attacker nor the victim had seen me appear next to them, nor did they see me run towards them and intercept the girl as she flew to the wall. I held her fragile body in my arms, and then positioned her behind me so I was a barrier between her and her attacker. He stood looking at me, confused by the rapid movements.

_Where the hell did he come from? Oh well, he doesn't look like any trouble. I could break him with my little finger... with my eyes closed!_

The young girl unknowingly held onto my back.

_What is he going to do? Get us both killed? Where did he come from? God answered my prayers? He sent me an angel to fight for me?_

She pulled her body closer to mine, comforted with my presence; not knowing that ever centimetre she moved closer brought her closer to death. "Go. Now." I ordered. She was about to argue when I turned my head towards her. One look into my charcoal black eyes changed her line of thought and all she wanted to do was run home.

"Thank you." She stuttered.

"You lost me the girl!" The bulky man had said, a large, smug grin on his face.

"And now you've lost your life." I replied. His smile disappeared as soon as he heard the growl escape my lips as I lunged for his throat.

Since that night, I had hidden in a small part of the Glacier National Park, coming out when I was thirsty, and only to feed on the blood of the evil, the blood of people who did not deserve to be alive, the blood of people who would have killed more than I have. But, whenever I had a moment to pause, a moment to think, I thought of Carlisle. Every time I saw my deep crimson eyes, I thought of his honest, golden ones. There were even times where I would hunt animals, without even considering it. I guessed that a part of me knows that it was the right thing to do, while the dominant part knew that hunting humans was just the easiest.

I was on my way back to my private hiding place when my mind was intruded by the cheerless thoughts of a local woman.

"John, dear." A delicate voice rang a few houses away. "You seem so vacant, are you alright?" On any other occasion the words wouldn't have even registered in my mind, but the thoughts accompanying these words were so familiar and so heartbroken that it almost begged me to pay attention.

"Sorry my love, I was just thinking... about Edward." A man's voice replied. He said the name – that had obviously been what had obtained my attention - with such love and compassion, even though I could hear the strain on his voice when he said the name.

_If only he could see how much he is hurting his father by leaving, it's as though he's lost a limb. _"It's just teenage rebellion, my dear. Everyone goes through it. Give him time to himself. He will return in a few days. It wouldn't be the first time he's ran away." She comforted, however her mind was tainted by worry and conflicted her words.

The conversation hit me hard. They were talking about a missing son... their boy had left them just as I had left Carlisle. Though their boy's disappearance was surely not as dark or tormenting as my own – his broken parent's sat in each other's arms as though their lives had been ripped away from them. I looked at the father's face, but all I could see was Carlisle.

"Hello?" A young voice called at me from a few trees behind me. "What are you doing there?"

As I turned my head I caught a whiff of his scent, his heart picked up pace with the idea of confrontation. I hoped for his sake that he would not come any closer to me. My eyes burned black with thirst so it would probably lead to his death.

"I was just leaving."

He disobeyed my thoughts and stormed towards me. My vision started to blur with the red haze building in front of them and I knew that the burn in my throat would soon be satisfied.... that was until he spoke.

"I said, what are you doing watching my parent's?"

The growl building in my chest stopped abruptly. "Edward." I said before I even realised.

He stopped, a few yards before he met me most likely due to a mixture of instincts and shock. "How... how did you know my name?" He answered, his voice stuttering.

"I heard your parent's speaking about you as I walked past." I said smoothly. I suppose I wasn't _really _lying. "I apologise for stopping here. What they were saying... Well, I could relate to it."

He looked at me perplexed.

I just smiled and started to walk away, happy that his parents would not be hurting anymore. Their son had returned. But my senses were disagreeing with my thoughts. The boy's scent was embedded in this area, but it was not fresh, but not too old. It was almost as if he had been here, in this exact place for a few days – no more than a week anyway. I expected the sounds of footsteps gradually stepping towards his house, but all I could hear was his heavy breathing. I stopped and turned back to him.

"May I ask... why haven't you gone home yet?"

He gasped as his head turned back to me – he obviously thought I had left. "Pardon?"

Ah. A mistake. How could I have known that? _Well, I can smell your scent all over this place and can tell that you've been staying here for a few days. You see, I'm a vampire... speaking of which I'm really thirsty, would you mind if I had a nibble? _"You're parents mentioned that you had left a while ago and I was wondering why you're still here now you have returned?"

He sighed deeply. "In truth, I've been here for the last five days."

"Why?" I asked, too quickly. "Why did you even leave?"

_Who does he think he is? Questioning me like that? _He thought. I laughed internally when I realised that it wasn't him I was questioning. I was asking myself. "My father... he wanted me to go to war, to join the army... but I didn't want to. He joined, and he was good. He wanted me to be like him but I hated him for forcing me, but in truth I guess I was too scared. But the fact remains that I was even more scared to really leave home."

How ironic. This story couldn't be real, it was far too familiar. I had always thought that Carlisle had forced me to join his way of life, but he was just offering me another opportunity... suggesting a different path – the _right_ path. I didn't have to be a monster. I didn't _want _to be a monster. "You're father loves you. I'm sure he just wants what is best for you." I said, replying to myself, more than the boy in front of me... the boy that I had not killed, despite my thirst, despite being barely a year old. I could do this. I can do this.

I knew at that point that I would go back to Carlisle. I was running, not wanting to walk at human pace for the sake of one boy.

_Where did he go? Did I even really see him? Did I just make him up? I suppose he was pale enough to be a ghost. Maybe he was an epiphany?_ The thoughts of the boy faded out as I ran out of his range.

He thought I was an epiphany? If anything, he was mine.

***

I had hunted that night... but human blood did not pass my lips. I had found a strong mountain lion east of Wisconsin... it didn't taste too bad – a flavour I could definitely live with anyway.

It had taken the best part of the day to get to small town Carlisle and I had lived in and when I got there I positioned myself in a place where I was able to hear Carlisle's thoughts, but he would still be unable to smell or hear me. Of course he hadn't moved yet, hoping that I would return home and not wanting to make it difficult to find him if I did decide. I didn't know why I was sitting so far away, and why I did not run straight into the house and beg for forgiveness which is what I knew I should have done. Perhaps I was just scared, worrying if he did in fact want me to return, wanting to see if I was missed, or loved... Just as the other Edward had. Though, unlike him, I had the means to find this out...

_I wonder how Edward is doing. I wonder if I should have tracked him down, persuaded him to come home. No, I was right not to. This was his choice, his life. I just hope he doesn't hate me for doing this to him..._

At that second, I started walking towards the house. How foolish I had been, how selfish... how weak. I couldn't guarantee that I would ever be as strong as Carlisle, or that I would be able to stay this time... but I would try, because if I left again, I would not be leaving Carlisle... I'd be abandoning my family.


	4. Alice

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters**_

_**(A/N: Woah, ok, I haven't updated this in years… that's really bad… sorry!) **_

Alice: Forward

Biloxi, Mississippi 1920

_Burning, _

_Burning,_

_Burning..._

"Stop!" I screamed. "Make it stop!" I cried like a girl. The sound and words were horribly familiar. I had tried to keep it in – tried so hard to keep them from knowing I was in pain. The faces hovered around my head, becoming less and less clear. I did not try to hang on to them, I was grateful that they were disappearing. I hoped I would never see them again.

But one of them… one of them I wanted to keep… he was different… he was special. He brought me here, away from the bad people. I couldn't see his face anymore. I couldn't even recall his name. Did he do this to me? Who did this to me?

"I'm so sorry… please forgive me… it's the only way" a voice rang again and again, getting quieter and quieter each time until it disappeared into nothing.

I could hear nothing now. I could see nothing now. I could remember nothing now. A part of me was grateful, though I did not know why. It was easier to forget than to remember.

I didn't know how long I had been here in this much pain. It felt like an eternity. The pain had changed. My toes and fingers began to feel again. I think I was lying on grass. I enjoyed the tickle as it ran between my digits. I tried hard to focus on that as the pain began to centre on my core – but it didn't work. I thought the pain was leaving, but it wasn't, it was just building up more and more… more violent than ever before. Hotter and hotter… Oh how I wished it would just stop.

Two painful judders right in the centre of my heart and everything stopped. The pain went as though it had never even been there. If the fires I has just felt were anything to go by, I didn't dare open my eyes for I didn't know what type of place I would be in. I stayed laying in the darkness. It was always safe in the dark… I was used to the dark…

And then out of the darkness, a face appeared.

The face was beautiful in every way. His hair was light with gentle curls that fell just beyond his ears. The colour reminded me of… something that I could not remember… something sweet. His face was strong and intense, with a hard jaw. His cheek bones shaped his perfectly symmetrical face and his eyes… _his eyes_…It was not the deep, unfamiliar redness that captured my attention… It was the depth of them, the hurt behind them, the pain… the complete lack of any hope or happiness.

I felt something stir within my core… something I had not felt before. I didn't quite understand it. It didn't hurt like the burning – quite the opposite. It felt warm and soft. It felt like… love.

A smile stretched across my face and I reached out to touch the beautiful face in front of me. But I couldn't see my hand where I expected it to be. I blinked furiously, confused and disorientated and when my eyes reopened, he was gone. I leapt forward suddenly. I did not know where the handsome boy was… I did not know where I was. I inspected my surroundings slowly – there was so much to see. I was alone in the middle of a thickly wooded area. I blinked again, tying to focus of the trees closet to me which seemed to be shining somehow. I tried to find the source of the strange glimmers of light, but found only the shimmering sun high in the sky. It did not hurt to look at it – it felt nice.

I took a couple of steps forward and felt the leaves and twigs snap beneath my bare feet. Again, it did not hurt. There were no marks or scratches. I took a few more steps, but was somehow far from where I had started. I had moved impossibly fast. I tried again. I ran this time and ended so far away that I could no longer see the flattened down piece of grass that I had been laying on.

I looked above my head with a daring smile on my face and jumped, hoping and wondering if I could land on a branch on the tree beside me. I went far past the bough I was aiming for and ended up near the top. I pushed my way through the dense tree leaves and perched myself at the very top. Another new feeling came over me… a feeling that I knew had never felt. It brought back a tinge of sadness though I did not know why… I should be happy – _I was free_.

I couldn't believe how high I was. It was only then, in the clear sunlight that I realised that it as I who was causing the light to bounce. I looked closely at my hands and uncovered arms. My skin sparkled, sending colours bouncing off in every direction. This wasn't normal… but I wasn't normal anymore. I was not _human _anymore. I looked down to the ground below. There was some area of my mind that was apprehensive, but I knew what I was going to do… The fall would have killed a human. But it would not kill me.

The air brushed past me, and although I landed almost instantly, I had more than enough time to appreciate the feeling. The land did not hurt. It was graceful and silent. My feet, ankles and knees bent instinctively to receive the ground and my hands naturally rose to balance my body. As I straightened out again I could feel the strength course through my limbs and core. It was better than a heartbeat – it was power. I excitedly kicked the tree beside me in an attempt to release it. The bark of the tree shattered instantly and the rest of the tree started to fall. The light from the sun was suddenly cut off as the large trunk fell towards me. I did not fear it, I welcomed it. I knew what my body was capable of. I could just _feel_ it.

My hands reached out in front of me to catch the tree. It landed with a 'huff' as it pushed the air out of my body. I could feel the weight of it, but it did not matter. I was stronger. I pushed it away from me and clapped my hands together, brushing off the dirt it left behind. But as I refilled my lungs with fresh air, some new energy overcame my senses. A dark energy. A furious energy.

I could not see or hear beyond the red haze clouding my head, but I could smell… The pain hit the back of my throat and burned my nose. Before I knew it my feet were running. The smell was getting stronger. I did not know what it was but I _wanted it._ I was not running for long before I saw where it was coming from. I did not hesitate to get to it. I barely processed the boat in the middle of the lack or the man sitting inside it with a thin pole dipping into the calm water. My body was telling my mind what to do.

I swam as well as I ran. I reached the small boat and pulled the helpless man into the water. I bit his neck and sucked. The taste was indescribable. It was what I needed. It tamed the fire in my throat, though it did not extinguish it. I would need more to do that – it was the only way. I let go of the body once there was nothing left inside it. I let it fall and did not care what might happen to it once I left.

As I exited the water, I caught my reflection in the rippling water. The first thing I noticed was the disgustingly coloured gown the girl staring back at me was wearing. It didn't match her flawless face. There wasn't any balance between the two and that annoyed me immensely. I would have to find something more appropriate immediately. The girl beauty was not the only feature with the beautiful boy I had woken up to… the bright, bold, red eyes were extremely prominent, even though the water was murky. The colour of blood. Realisation hit me then. I had drank that man's blood. For the first time in this new life I did not feel god about myself… I felt bad. Monstrous. I did not expect this darker, inhuman side. It tainted everything. There had to be another way.

The lake disappeared from my sight, though I had not moved my eyes away from it. The gentle waves brushing the sandy bay were replaced with a stony path in the middle of a wet, evergreen forest. My hand was holding someone else's – a pale hand covered in bite like scars. My eyes looked to my left to see who the hand belonged to. To my delight it was the beautiful boy… _my _beautiful boy.

"_Do not be so worried Jasper… they're good people." _To my surprise it was my lips the words were coming from.

"_Do they even know we are coming?" _His charming voice replied.

"_No," _I smiled. _"But neither did you…" _I leaped a little and kissed him once, gently on his nose and lead him towards a desolate, but beautiful house.

I did not know what was in the house… but I knew there were answers.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat my sweet?"

"No thank you, Sue." I replied.

"Alice, you've been coming here every morning, letting your only order of black coffee go cold while you sit there stirring it… never drinking it," Sue sighed from behind the counter. "What are you waiting for?"

"Not what, Sue… The question is who?" I smiled. I did not mind that she noticed me. I did not mind at all. She was the only person I ever talked to… a kind, selfless woman.

"A boy then?" She winked.

"My future," I breathed.

"I would have thought you smart enough to arrange a day to meet him. Then you wouldn't have had to come here waiting for him every morning…"

"Not _every_ morning," I smiled. "Only when it rains…" I said under my breath. I had seen the very place where I would first meet Jasper… I could even see what the day would look like… but I didn't know when it would be. The rain was the only clue.

The diner started to clear as Sue leaned over the counter towards me. It did not bother me… it had been a long time since I had tasted human blood. The smell was appealing, of course, but I was in complete control. It was easy when you had a reason… and my reason was the most important reason of all – I was doing it for my family. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward. I had never met them and they did not know me nor had they ever heard of me… but I loved them all unconditionally. I would be with them soon… _we_ would be with them soon.

"Alice, my love, not that I'm complaining – I mean, your presence alone brings in more young men into this small diner then I can count - but I just don't want to see you wasting your time on someone who, for all you know, doesn't actually…" She stopped abruptly.

I knew he was there. Of course I was able to smell his delicious scent as soon as he opened the door, but I could feel his presence – the whole atmosphere changed. It was like electricity, just buzzing through the air. I looked up to Sue with eager eyes.

"Goodbye Sue. Thank you for everything." I leaned over and kissed her on both cheeks before hopping down.

Her initial shocked expression changed to a happy smile. "You're welcome, Alice. All the best," she added, wiping a small tear from her cheek, though I was sure she hoped I would not see.

He had chosen a seat far away from anyone else. His eyes were dark and pained. He did not want to be here, but I suppose it was better than standing in the rain attracting unwanted attention. The honey coloured curls were heavy with rain, and some drops were still hanging on the tips and smoothly rolling down his forehead. He was even more beautiful in real life. I did not want to miss a single second with him. He caught me smiling at him and looked up to meet my gaze. I practically skipped over towards him.

"You've been keeping me waiting a long time." I said adoringly.

"Sorry ma'am." His voice sang courteously, just like I knew he always would.

I was fuelled with hope as I held out my hand. He took it without question and when his skin touched mine, I knew that every single second leading up to now had been worth the wait. I loved him with every fibre of my being, and I didn't need to see a vision to know that I always would.


	5. Esme

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters**_

**(A/N: Sheeeeeesh… I had awful mind block with Esme… I've had Rosalie's written for months! Esme had to go first though… I'll upload Rosalie's straight after this.)**

Esme: Reverence

Ashland, Wisconsin 1921

_Burning,_

_Burning,_

_Burning..._

I felt it in my chest first. After what felt like an eternity of numbness, sudden pain seized my entire body, bit by bit. It was as though each part of my being had been lost, and was gradually being found piece by piece in a roaring pit of fire. Confusion managed to make itself known, despite by attention being lost to the flames.

What was happening to me?

Flashes of memories began to intertwine with the flickering flames which I was convinced I could see before my very eyes. My beautiful baby boy. So precious. So vulnerable. The pain in my heart at this image almost drowned out the fire. I immediately tried to pull my hands to my stomach, where he had spent a healthy nine months, but my arms betrayed me and stayed pinned to my side.

His image was replaced with a grey sky above a dirty, crumbling cliff face. I had been here before. I knew what I did here. It was an attempt to end the suffering. The only way I could think of. I had failed at life. I had lost everything. This was the only way I knew how to get it back, to be reunited with my boy – but I failed at that too. I knew I had been unsuccessful almost immediately. I could hear voices of the people who found me. They were hopeless, believing me to be lost. But I knew better. I couldn't feel anything, but I could occasionally hear and I could think. I tried to speak, but I was unable to, just as I was now.

But somebody found me. Somebody knew. He leant over carefully, inspecting my face. I recognised the face, from what seemed like a happy dream a lifetime ago. Such beauty. Such kindness. He leant his head to my chest and sighed heavily. He whispered in my ears with a cold chill on his sweet breath. _"I can help you Esme," he breathed. _

An angel, I thought. He is taking me to see my boy. But it didn't take me long to see that this wasn't the case, that it was probably an intelligent doctor who had found my whimpering heart beat and was going to treat me. God would not have forgiven me for what I had done. God had betrayed me when he allowed my husband to hurt me and then took my boy away from me, and I had betrayed him when I chose to take my own life. Perhaps, that explained the fire…

I could feel parts of my broken body forming back together, and when they did the heat penetrated more and more of me. The kind doctor was fixing me like he promised, though I wasn't fully understanding of his methods. Maybe what I was facing was more of a punishment, instead of death.

My strength was growing persistently. I could feel power returning to my body. I wanted to try to move. I needed to know what was happening to me. I wriggled my fingers and toes, but even this small movement caused tremendous pain. But for the first time, in God knows how long, I heard my own voice. A scream, but my voice none the less. I didn't risk moving again, but I now knew a little more. I was alive. Was I going to survive this? Did I _want_ to survive this? I didn't know the answer to either question.

"Esme?" A gentle voice said beside me.

I wanted to open my eyes and turn to see who the voice belonged to, but I just couldn't.

"I'm so sorry… about the pain." The voice whispered again. "It won't be long now. It's almost over."

I didn't know how long it lasted; I had lost all sense of time. But it was obvious when it was about to stop. The fire drained from every part of my body, but focussed on my heart. I feared that if I opened my eyes I would see roaring flames coming from my chest.

And then…it stopped. My heart spluttered and it stopped. No more pain. I took a deep breath in and felt my lungs fill with such wonderful smelling air. I was alive.

For the first time, I turned my eyes to my right – where he was sitting. It took a while for my eyes to focus and even longer for my mind to believe what they were seeing. I wasn't in the hospital. I was in a home. Beside me was a man from my dreams, dreams from long ago… a man from even longer ago. I could see the small girl playing in the tree; I could feel the thud and hear the crack as she landed back on the ground. I could see the handsome blond doctor with the glowing smile. His hands were so cold, but so reassuring. _"I can help you, Esme." _He dried my tears and helped my struggling parents carry me to my home as though I was just a feather in his arms. He was the doctor from my town who had fixed my broken leg more than 10 years ago. Where I had changed, grown and aged – he had stayed exactly the same. I was sure of it.

"I know you." My voice sang. That alone took me by surprise as I had expected it to be hoarse and broken.

He smiled gently and laughed once to himself. "I know you too," He replied.

"Cullen… Dr Carlisle Cullen," I remembered.

"You have a good memory…"

"But…" I began, but he interrupted me.

"Can you get up?" He asked.

I wanted to say no, and that he surely couldn't expect me to. But I could feel strength, and seeing as there was no more pain there was nothing stopping me.

I sprang up delicately and was suddenly sitting face to face with him. I gazed into his golden eyes, almost drowning in them. The same eyes I had looked upon already in my life… So golden… So many questions.

"You have no idea how glad I am that you're awake," he sighed effortlessly. "You were unresponsive for more than a day. I'm so sorry about the pain you went through…" I was unsure whether he was talking about losing a child, jumping off a cliff, or the fiery treatment of his. "But it was the only way to save you." He got up from his seat beside the bench I was now sitting on, suddenly looking very anxious, as though he was weighing up words.

"Esme…" He began. "I have something very important to explain to you…"

I leaned forward and smiled, trying to put him at ease. But just then, my head shot to the west hearing a sound coming closer to the house. They were footsteps, fast footsteps… but so light… barely touching the ground.

"What's that sound?" I questioned anxiously, squeezing the metal bench and bending it like butter. "What?" I gasped, looking at what I had done. My chest was rising as my breathing accelerated. I was beginning to panic and my mind couldn't rationalise why.

"It's just Edward." Carlisle said, now back by my side. He gently squeezed my arms in a comforting way making my breathing slow until I slowly inhaled.

"Sorry, I didn't think she'd complete so soon. I was concerned about her injuries. I didn't think she'd be able to survive them…" A deep, but youthful voice called from another room. He stepped gracefully into view.

I suddenly felt rather uncomfortable in my hospital gown.

"Nice to meet you," he smiled awkwardly.

The room changed with him in it, but in a peculiar way. The essence of it was what changed… the very smell of the house. Before, it smelt fresh, like cold grass and clover leaf… but now it smelt warmer… like honey on warm bread.

I immediately imagined one of my most favourite treats, but the thought of it disgusted me. It felt repulsive, so much so that something started to pool in my mouth. I felt nauseated and completely unsatisfied. I was not hungry… I was _thirsty._ I held my hands to my throat… "There's something wrong with me," I cried feeling the anxiety rising within me again.

Edward's eyes, which were already studying me, opened wide. "She needs to hunt. Now," he stressed to Carlisle.

_Hunt? _I thought to myself.

"But I need to explain first..." Carlisle almost begged, shaking his head.

_Explain what?_

"It will all become clear very soon. Just let her instincts explain it to her." Edward emphasised.

_Instincts?_

Edward was gone, in what seemed like a blur, and was across the room holding a door open.

I could see so far beyond it, despite the darkness. I could see trees for miles and miles, different shades of green and blue. I could see birds fluttering from branch to branch so easily that I could tell their breed from the detailed pattern on their feathers… and I could smell… I could smell _everything._

Carlisle reached out his hand to me. "It will be confusing, Esme. But don't fight what you feel. Let your body tell you what to do. Let it take over you. I'll be right by your side the whole time."

"But not too close." Edward added sternly. "I won't be far away Carlisle." He added as he rushed out into the wilderness. His body moved so quickly… too quick for a _human… _

"Carlisle…" I questioned in the same tone I begged him to help me as a 16 year old girl.

He smiled as he took my hand and pulled me along with him. Before I knew it I was gliding alongside him, feeling the brush of wind flow through my hair. My eyes were taking in so much detail. I could hear the crunch of leaves and twigs beneath my bare feet. I felt no pain, just a tickle as they broke under my weight.

I looked to Carlisle and saw how he smiled running by my side. He looked so graceful and powerful… just like I felt.

"This has to be a dream." I sighed and smiled at Carlisle enjoying every moment, but he suddenly looked nervous and worried.

"There's a herd just north of here. At least 16, fully grown," Edward called from about 100 yards ahead of us. His voice was not raised, but I could hear him clearly. "I'll let you go first, Esme," he gestured as we joined him.

"Go first for what?" I asked.

"In a moment I want you to inhale deeply…" Carlisle began.

"Wait for the wind," Edward added.

"Like I said before, your body will tell you what to do."

"And we'll be here to take care of you," Edward smiled softly.

I was completely clueless about what they were talking about, but did as I was told. As soon as I felt the wind blow from the north I took a deep breath. My lungs filled with desire, but a desire I had never experienced before. My mind was not controlling me anymore. My feet were moving, even faster than before. Nothing was getting in my way. I brushed giant trees out of the way as if they were cobwebs. Nothing was going to stop me from getting to that _smell…_

I was vaguely aware of a clearing filled with a collection of animals. They had already started moving by the time I got there… It was no secret that I was coming for them. I caught up with one immediately and pounced on its back. My teeth found its neck instantly and I had drained its blood in no time at all. I looked up for another, not being quenched at all. Before I had time to realise that the field was empty, a deer landed by my feet. It had been thrown across the clearing by a grinning Edward. Its neck was broken, but apart from that it was untouched. It wasn't as warm as the other so I wasted no time and drank from that one as well lifting it up easily to my mouth.

"Are there any more?" I huffed impatiently.

"They're gone, but we'll be able to catch up with them." Edward answered quickly.

"You could have fed, Edward." Carlisle whispered to him.

"I'm not in as much need," he shrugged.

"You're only young," Carlisle replied in an even lower tone.

"Not the youngest anymore…" He smiled. "Perhaps I can be the one to help this time."

Carlisle patted the young boy on the back as a father would do to his eldest son out of pride. "Goes a lot better when it's planned don't you think?" He smiled.

Edward smile suddenly fell. He swallowed deeply. "Quite. Perhaps I _should_ feed after all."

"Edward… I'm…" Carlisle started to apologise, but Edward had already left.

His back was still to me when I spoke again.

"What… what is happening? What did I just do?" I said, realisation hitting me as I looked at the two drained bodies of fully grown deer beside my feet.

I could feel the warmth of their blood in my body. But the heat in my throat was not put out.

"And why do I not want to stop?" I began to worry.

"I'm sorry Esme. I tried to explain before, but there's never enough time…" He placed his hand against his face, hiding his eyes.

I pulled his hand away and held his hand in mine. "I've changed," I nodded. "_You_ changed me. But I'm not worried about it. I feel strong. I feel different. I just want to know what I am. I need to know what happened to me."

"The same thing that happened to Edward and I…." he began. "We are a different species to what we were before."

"Vampires," I guessed. "I've read the stories and heard the tales," though I wouldn't have guessed for a moment that they were real.

"Our species is sworn to secrecy. We have no choice but to hide what we are." He said with a saddened face. "I've managed to live a relatively normal life." He scoffed. "I trained as a doctor and never killed a human… well never drank from one anyway. I've tried to use my abilities to help others. I can heal and diagnose with a better accuracy than any other doctor. I don't need to sleep and I don't tire meaning my shifts could be endless. I try to be a good person…"

"You don't need to convince me of that Dr Cullen," I smiled again. I stepped closer to him, stroking his golden locks. "You haven't changed a bit. You are exactly how I remember you… even though the memory seems so distant now."

"I was surprised you could remember me. A human memory doesn't normally remember faces they only saw once ten years ago…"

"I would have been impossible to forget you." I hid my cheeks and stepped back again, convinced I was blushing.

"You don't seem shocked."

"I don't feel shocked… I don't know how I feel… I feel _safe_ I suppose. I feel strong… I feel…"

"Thirsty?" He predicted as I help my throat in my hands once again.

"Why hasn't it stopped?"

"It won't for a while… but you'll find things to take your mind off it."

"You haven't really answered the question Carlisle…" Edward bellowed from the west. He'd returned with a bloodied shirt and I licked my lips at the sight of it. "What he means to say is that because you are a 'newborn' you have no control over your thirst. You are uncontrollable in the face of warm blood. Nothing will quench your thirst – especially mellow blood from a couple of deer. Now human blood… nothing compared to that. That would help you more, you know…"

I gasped. "I'd never hurt anybody!"

"Oh, but you will… you won't want to, but you will…"

"Edward!" Carlisle warned.

"She needs to know, Carlisle. It won't come as so much of a shock when it eventually happens. We're not all as strong as you." He turned to me quickly, taking me by surprise. "Do you know he waited for over a year before he fed… on anything! He was so desperate not to feed from a human that he hid in a hole, not moving, just hoping he would die. But a herd of deer ran close to his hiding place one day and, without thinking he attacked them, taking his fist meal. Because of his effort and his…_compassion…_ he managed to abstain from human blood for the last 300 years. But he's the only one… I may have the same colour eyes, but not the same history. I killed both animals and humans on my first hunt. Did I want to? No. But it happened. It's who I am… and it will happen to you… because it's who you are too. Why should we fight it?" He smiled. "Because it's the right thing to do? What is right about any of this?"

"This is a discussion for another time Edward." Carlisle sighed. "Esme has a lot of questions and she needs to feed more. You're not helping with talk of…" his sentence turned to silence midway through.

"You're right. I apologise." He said with his hands up defensively. "Just wish someone could have told me at the beginning." He walked off in to the night.

Carlisle waited for a moment, before he spoke again. "He tries so hard, but finds it so difficult."

"Difficult to feed from animals instead of humans?" I asked through a fiery throat, beginning to understand how Carlisle and Edward were different from the stories I had heard of Transylvania, dark coffins and wooden stakes.

"Difficult to be what he is and to be good at the same time…" Carlisle answered with a sigh. "Sometimes I wonder if I've done the right thing. I saved him from certain death. His mother begged me to help him…"

"And you did."

"That may be how you feel… but Edward is different. He's still trying to find out who he is… _what _he is.

"He's spirited…" I said quietly. "And very honest."

"He's a teenager… and always will be." Carlisle sighed. "He needs taking care of, he needs guiding…"

"He needs parents," I smiled, following Edwards scent instead of that of the deer.

* * *

I stood on the dry cliff edge, enjoying the smell the wind enveloped me in as it blew through my hair. It had been months since I last stood here, under very different circumstances. Last time I was here, I was lost… but now I'm home

"What are you thinking of?" Carlisle asked from beside me, probably wondering why I had asked him to run here with me.

"We've never really talked about why I jumped." I began. "Obviously I didn't want to be alive, but we've never spoken about _why._"

"I never wanted to pry on what must have been a horrible time…"

"I lost my son to lung fever when he was a few weeks old. I had no _worthy _husband and no family to support me. But I was complete with my boy, with my Thomas. When you lose someone who owns your heart the way he owned mine… you lose yourself. I felt like I lost my very soul."

Carlisle eyes fell and he placed his hands together in front of his lips.

"It was the only thing I could do to cope with the pain. It had to end and I had to be with him." I smiled sadly. "But I know now that it was never going to happen. And now I have to live _for _him. I have to do his life justice." I thought of Edward fondly and warmly. "There are so many children out there without parents, without a guide. If I can help _one _of them… If I can make one child feel loved… then I's have made a difference."

"Thomas would have been very proud of his mother." Carlisle smiled as he stroked a hair behind my ear.

"The last time I was here, I was in a very dark place. You saved me from that, Carlisle. You gave me a family, a dysfunctional family, but a family none the less." I smiled.

"We wouldn't be a family without you, my love."

I looked down to the rocky platform far below. "If I jump now, will I be hurt?"

"Not at all," He replied.

"Provides some deep symbolism don't you think?" I laughed.

He took my hand and we jumped together… this time with a very different ending.


	6. Rosalie

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters**_

_**(A/N: Please be aware that the nature of this chapter is **_**darker**_** as it describes what happened to Rosalie before her transformation. Skip the first 6 paragraphs if you do not want to read what happened from her point of view.)**_

Rosalie: Loathing 

Rochester, New York 1933

_Burning, _

_Burning,_

_Burning..._

What was happening? What was happening to me? I wanted to scream, scream out for help, but it was impossible. I was consumed by flames. Such pain, unlike any other. I could feel my body writhing on the wet ground, though I was not telling it to do so. All I wanted to do was disappear… to let go.

Only a few minutes ago I was so happy. So content with life. I had a future, the future I had always hoped for. I was going to talk to Royce as soon as I got home… Tell him of my plan to conceive a child as soon as we were wed. I did not want to waste any time. I did not know he was out with his friends… what had they done to me?

I was flushed with pain and anger, but felt so much energy in my core. It confused me. I was so sure I was about to die… I hadn't fought it. I was grateful for it. I had even felt my body take its last, stuttered breath when a horrific fire suddenly washed through my entire body. At least death would come soon… I doubted I would last much longer.

"I'm so sorry." A voice breathed beside my ear.

I wondered if it was Royce, but I knew it wasn't. This voice was much softer and kinder than the voice that had been whispering insults and repulsive words as he and his friendly violated every part of me. I was indebted when one of them started hurting me instead of using me. The others had laughed and then joined him. The scratches, pinches and open palmed strikes quickly turned to beating and kicking. Most of them were directed at my stomach and back, but a few made contact with my head and face. I was unable to open my eyes as they were so swollen, and I could still taste the blood dripping from my cheeks and lips as they mixed with the dirty puddle water under me.

"I'm going to help you." The gentle voice said again, more assertively this time. Had somebody found me? I tried to laugh at their words, but I just spluttered more blood. Couldn't they see that I was beyond saving? They were wasting their time.

I could feel a gentle cool breeze against my skin as though I was flying through the air. It did nothing to ease the flames flickering within my body… the flames I was sure those men had left behind, but it did make me smile… surely this was a sign that I was leaving my bent, broken and defiled body behind. That made me happy. I did not want that body anymore. It was taken away from me. I didn't own it anymore. They did. They had left their mark on it in their own sick way.

Why was it taking so long? It had been so long… too long. Minutes had passed, I was sure. That alone was a worrying sign… I should not have been aware of time, I should not be aware of anything. The worst moment of my life is being stretched out indefinitely with no signs of stopping.

The breeze suddenly stopped and the temperature around me changed. I let the warmth envelop me, comfort me… until I was lost in the darkness.

* * *

I didn't expect to wake. But when I did I instantly realised that my breathing had changed. It was getting stronger.

"Rest." The calming voice pleaded. I felt two cold points of pressure against my neck. His touch was so cold, but it wasn't the chill that made me shiver... I didn't want to be touched. But I had no choice, no fight left in me to push him away from me. I had given up long ago. "Your pulse is strengthening." He exhaled strongly in what seemed like relief.

Relief was far from what I was feeling. I just about managed to open my eyes. They were blurry and tender, but I could see that I was no longer in the wet, dark street, but in a warm carefully lit room. There was just one candle burning just out of my arms reach. The rest of the room was black, but he navigated around it with carefree ease. I tried to focus on his face. He had golden hair and pale skin. I knew him. He was the doctor - The handsome doctor. "Cul…len." I managed to breath.

"Yes. Yes that's me. I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen." I could just about see a smile as his blurry figure walked slowly and deliberately towards me.

I didn't want him to smile. I didn't want him to save me. I was unfixable. "Let… me… die..." I whimpered.

His smile went away suddenly. He didn't want to hear that.

I pressed my lips together tightly, trying not to scream for screaming meant I had enough energy to still be alive. But the pain was excruciating.

"I'm sorry about the pain, but it will stop in a few -" he tried to reason.

"I don't care about the pain!" I cried. My voice was getting stronger and clearer. "I don't… I don't want to live anymore." I moaned and closed my eyes tight shut. I didn't want to show him that I was hurting. "Whatever it is that you've done… just stop it… I don't want to be treated… just leave me…Just take me back to die in that horrible alley," I regretted my last request immediately. I didn't want to be anywhere near it ever again.

"I'm afraid I can't do that…"

"What do you –" I was about to ask what he meant, but as I opened my eyes everything changed. I was practically blind only a few seconds ago, but now I could see clearly. I managed to lift my hand to my face, though every small movement felt like an extreme case of pins and needles. The swelling around my eyes had gone completely.

"What is happening?" I asked him. I had heard what a wonderful physician he was, how quickly he could diagnose, how he used to stay by a patients side all night, how he worked a dedicated amount of hours… but surely it was physically impossible for a body to heal this quickly.

I still didn't understand how my body could repair while it was _on fire…_

"Your body is healing. The venom works quickly on the superficial wounds, but it will take much longer for the change to happen…"

"Venom?" I stuttered. "Change? What change?" I suddenly felt very nervous and scared… "What have you done to me?

He took a deep breath. "The fiery pain you are feeling in your body is the venom coursing through it. It repairs every injury and changes the structure of your cells…"

I did not know what he was referring to… what were cells?

"… the change takes between two to three days, and although the pain is excruciating, your body will be vastly improved when it ends. It will be stronger, much more durable. You'll be fast, both in body and mind. Your senses heighten to a state of complete awareness. You'll never age… you'll never change…"

"What are you?" I asked instead of asking what I was becoming.

"The common name for it is… vampire."

"You're insane." I scoffed.

"I have to explain more to you…" he began.

"I don't want to hear it." I could feel tears running down my cheeks.

"When you wake into this new life…"

"I won't have a _new life_." I spoke over him, but he ignored my jibes and continued.

"…You will thirst for blood. You will be capable of finding and killing humans in a blink of an eye, so quick that they wouldn't even be aware of it. But I will try my hardest to stop you from doing that… I do not create immortals just so they can kill innocent human beings…"

"I don't want to hear your sick reasons…"

"We feed from animals instead," he continued. "Elk, deer, mountain lion…an occasional bear…" he tried to joke.

"Good for you."

"Rosalie…" He spoke my name for the first time, but sounded just like my father did when I spoke out of turn. "You need to understand what is happening to you."

"No I do not… because it is not going to happen, because you are going to let me die." I barked.

"I understand why you would want that… but I'm trying to give you another chance…"

"I don't want another chance! Are you not listening to a word I am saying?" I tried to sit, but my body was unable to… any slight movement caused the pain to double. I was completely incapacitated.

"Of course I am listening, but it's my duty to tell you this." He spoke so carefully, with such pleading eyes…. Such peculiar golden eyes.

"Do you know what happened to me?" I asked him softly.

"I did not witness, but I do know what has happened to you, yes."

I nodded towards him, assuming that it was pretty obvious. "I thought those men had stolen everything from me… but it's you that has taken the most important thing… _my choice._"

I gritted my teeth and attempted to get up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving…" I announced. The pain was growing with every second. The venom's purpose was obviously to incapacitate a human, to stop them from escaping the inhuman monster trying to kill or change them… but I tried to fight the pain.

"Rosalie, stop." Carlisle begged, though he tried not to touch me. "You'll hurt yourself…"

I pushed and pushed, forcing myself to take the preposterous pain swarming every part of me. I had just about managed to sit myself up, leaning on my arms when I fell back to the table. I could hear someone screaming – it was such an unnatural, inhuman sound that I refused to believe that it could even come from me. I had tried so hard to keep it in, but now the floodgates were open and I just couldn't stop. My mind just couldn't cope with the pain. I could feel it shutting down… unconsciousness encircled my body and I welcomed it.

* * *

I woke again to a sunlit room. The sound of a door closing and voices talking in hushed tones immediately caught my attention.

"Esme," I heard the doctor breath in what seemed like delight.

"Is someone here?" She asked quickly, without giving him time to speak to her first.

"Is Edward not with you?"

"No, he asked if he could hunt alone for a while longer… you know how he likes time to himself…" She spoke quickly, as though she was rushing to make her point. "What has happened here Carlisle?"

I was just able to turn my head to the side. I saw shadows flickering in the doorway. I could hear voices, but wasn't able to make out any words. She gasped suddenly and appeared in the doorway in what seemed like no time.

I had seen her around the town only once, but I remembered her well. I had never been threatened by another female's appearance. I knew I was the most beautiful girl in Rochester and possibly even New York – everyone told me so. All the other girls stopped to look at me when they saw me in the street, hoping I wouldn't notice… of course I did, but I didn't mind… I liked it in a way. I was walking back to my house one dismally cold and wet evening when I saw her for the first time. Although she was across the street, she caught my attention. She was beautiful… a different kind of beautiful… _flawless. _Her caramel hair ran in beautiful waves, while mine had fallen loose in the rain. She was not as slim as I was, but her curves were womanly and gentle. While I huddled under my mac like some ghoul, she stood gracefully and with such poise though she was most likely as wet as I was. It was the first time I had ever envied a woman. From then on, whenever I heard stories about her and her 'handsome husband' and 'rather fetching younger brother' I grimaced. It made me laugh now… I had no need to be jealous of them – they were not even human.

"Oh Carlisle, look at her. The poor soul." She rushed off and instantly returned with a pale of water and sponge. She gracefully came towards me, looking even more beautiful then I seemed to remember. "I'm so sorry Rosalie, what they did to you…" She made a strange whimpering sound. "It's disgraceful." She rang the sponge and let the water drop into the bowl. She lifted the side of my ripped dress and moved the sponge towards my leg.

Once again, it wasn't the cold that repulsed me. It was having someone touch me. But this time I did have enough in me to fight her off.

"Get off me!" I screamed. I kicked her in her stomach. She didn't move at all, but my leg was throbbing with a new, duller pain. "Don't touch me." I screamed again and again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking," she made the same strange sad noise, only louder this time.

Carlisle sped to her side. "What has happened?" I was surprised I could hear him above the screams.

"I just wanted to wash the blood of her… I couldn't stand the sight of it…" She hid her face in his shoulder and he wrapped his arms gently around her. I couldn't help but watch them.

"Would you like us to leave you, Rosalie?" He whispered without looking at me.

I didn't reply. I just turned my head away from them and continued to cry in pain. I clenched my fists and pounded the desk they had laid me on. I hated what had happened to me. I hated those _men _for what they had done to me and I hated these people for prolonging the pain. I closed my eyes in any attempt to leave the room. I cried and cried and screamed and screamed until it all washed away into a familiar darkness once again.

* * *

For a very small moment as I was waking up, I forgot about everything. I forgot about Royce, I forgot about Dr Cullen and the vampires, I forgot about the pain…

Yes, I forgot… for a very small moment.

My body tensed and everything came flooding back. I opened up my blurry eyes to see Esme sitting beside me. She was in different clothes and her hair was tied back neatly. The sight of her perplexed me… The room was dark again… I had apparently been out for a long time…There was no candle burning, but I could see her clearly as though light was now just a different colour.

"I thought I heard you waking. I didn't want you to be alone when you did." She said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"Do you expect me to thank you?" I spluttered. I could taste dry blood still on my lips. She hadn't touched or cleaned me whilst I was unconscious.

"No, not at all," She smiled in such a sweet and caring way. She was making it hard to hate her. "I was hoping to talk to about… this life…" She began.

"I really do not intend to live 'this life'" I mocked, rolling my head away from her.

"Neither did Carlisle," She countered. Her words intrigued me and if I was honest I wanted to know more… but I stayed exactly where I was. "He didn't want this life either. But he was determined not be a monster, he changed his very nature. He uses this life to make a difference. His abilities make him a better doctor, capable of longer hours, quicker diagnosis, faster solutions… there are many, _many,_ people who would have died without him…"

"I know… I am one of them, am I not?"

"He smelt your blood from miles away and raced to save your life without knowing who you were... he just wanted to help." She began. "He knew instantly that you had lost too much blood and suffered too many injuries to treat you medically, but he couldn't just leave you there. Any _good _person couldn't. So he saved you in the only way he knew how…" She took a deep breath. "He saved you like he saved Edward… and me. I suppose my point is…" she continued, "The three of us understand…"

"You understand _nothing_!"I screamed towards her, trying to sit up, but failing once again. "You have no idea what I've been through." I spat viciously.

Her head sharply looked up from the ground and, for the first time, I understood exactly what these people were capable of.

"Do you honestly think you are the only women in this world that has been mistreated by someone they trusted… someone they thought they loved?" She took a deep breath and her shoulders relaxed. "What happened to you is… unspeakable… and it is very difficult to stay here and not seek justice for you…" She sighed again. "You'll feel better with a new start… with a new life."

"I don't want a new life… I want nothing but to end it…"

"I know… Believe me I know… I know how it seems like the most natural thing to do… I know how it seems like it's the only way to end how you're feeling and how it would be completely impossible to continue any other way…" she was not looking at me, she was looking behind me, to nothing in particular. "I tried to kill myself. I practically did. When Carlisle found me I was on my way to the morgue – they didn't even bother taking me to the hospital…" She laughed once to herself.

"W-why?" I managed to stutter.

"I lost my son. My beautiful, innocent, wonderful baby boy." She brought her hands to her chest instinctively. "I had no one to turn to… my husband was… _abusive_… I had left him before my son was born. I had no family. No other options. When he… passed… I felt that the only way forward was for me to join him. It felt almost _natural…_" Her eyes looked abnormally dry and heavy with pain. "I was so close to death… I could feel it, I could feel myself being carried away, like I was floating on a cloud. There was no more hurt in my heart. Carlisle had bitten me where he found me – as he did with you - right in the middle of the morgue. Then he carried me away. My body was so bent and broken that I did not feel the venom in my body until my spine healed on the second day." She blinked a few times and then looked at me, her eyes once again kind and warming. "Carlisle gave me another chance at life… at a proper life. Although I will never be able to carry a child again, I finally have the family I always wanted. The life I lived before was so _false_… don't you think it strange that I had to die and change in to some inhuman being before I could truly begin to live?"

"But you lost _everything…_"

She nodded slowly. "But I gained it also."

"Esme…" Carlisle said, suddenly appearing. She blinked again. I expected to see tears falling down her cheeks, but there were none. _'Unchangeable', _Carlisle had said. Her body was unable to produce tears. She ran to his open arms and then they were gone again.

She left me. I thought that was what I wanted… but I didn't like being alone.

I had no idea what she had been through. How was I to know? The better part of me wanted to call her back, and apologise… I suppose we were very similar her and I… All I ever wanted to be was a mother and it hurt knowing that I would never be able to be a mother. It was more excruciating than whatever poison was running through my burning body. But I knew that pain would be nothing compared to losing the only child you had, so unfairly and so sudden. I would have tried to end my life too… the idea seemed so blissful… it would end the pain once and for all… it felt like the only solution.

"Edward's coming." Carlisle called from the front room, distracting me from my thoughts. His voice seemed… nervous.

He dashed around the room, quicker than my eyes could follow. Carlisle wiped drops of my blood off the floor, dropped the tissues into a bin, and threw in his overalls that were also stained with dark red blood. He smashed a lantern over it all and lit a match. The flash of bright light as the flames flickered hurt my eyes – they had become so adjusted to the dark.

"He'll be fine Carlisle. He's only just hunted." Esme whispered, now by his side. She looked over to me and then lowered her voice considerably. "He's doing better than I am at the moment…"

"Where is she?" A harsh voice suddenly ordered from the door. I saw his golden eyes in the now dim light. He looked at me for such a small moment and then turned back to Carlisle and Esme, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "Carlisle! Do you know who this is? _Rosalie Hale!_ Of all people! Do you know how dangerous this is for us?

"Edward…" Esme's voice spoke calmly but sternly, like a mother warning her child.

"But don't you see?" Edward continued. "I assume the monsters responsible for this will not admit their atrocities, so her very rich and very resourceful family will assume her missing. Everyone is going to be looking for her! Her family has unlimited assets available to them." He growled so loud that I could hear it from the other room. "I don't care for your reasons Carlisle." He spoke as if he was replying to a silent question. "You couldn't have chosen anyone more… unsuitable…"

"I couldn't just leave her Edward." He replied.

"I know you meant well… but I do not want to be with _anyone_… never mind somebody so…egotistical."

I had always thought of the young man as handsome. Someone beautiful enough to be worthy of me. But he looked down upon everyone… and I detested that. How dare _he _say that I wasn't good enough for him? He would be so lucky.

He laughed sardonically from the behind the door. "She is unbelievable!" There was a long pause. "I'm sorry Carlisle. I just… find her difficult – already! I don't know if I could bare an eternity with her."

"We don't know if she'd want to stay with us yet." Esme's soft voice offered.

I did not know what they were talking about. An eternity? With them? They wanted me to stay with them? Of course, I had not worked out until now that they were not truly related. I had believed the lies as everyone else had. Despite the three of them being from completely different walks of life, they were together now. _'I finally had the family I always wanted' _Esme had said.A family. That is what they are now. Whatever it was they provided each other was obviously worth staying around for… My mind was just incapable of understanding while my body was in so much pain. _So much pain._

"How long has it been?" Edward asked with a new, calmer tone to his voice. "Then it won't be much longer…" He added, though I had not heard anyone answer him.

Not much longer? What were they talking about? When the change would finally happen? When I would finally become one of them… I had to get out of here while I still had the chance. I didn't know what I wanted. I just didn't want to be here. I wanted to be dead and buried six feet under the ground. It just seemed like it would be the only thing to stop me thinking… to stop me _hurting_. And I thought it be the one I disliked the most who would be able to solve this for me.

"Edward…" I managed to whisper without letting a scream escape my lips. He walked slowly into the room. "Edward…" I swallowed whatever it was that was building in my mouth.

"Do you need water?" He asked, though there was no care behind his words.

I couldn't think of anything I wanted less. Though I did feel very thirsty, the thought of water repulsed me.

"No… I need you to… to do something for me…" I breathed heavily, only screaming towards the end of the sentence.

The mad doctor and his wife were apparently unwavering in their decision to do this to me. It was very clear however, that Edward was about as keen as I was for me to join his bizarre world. He would be my best option for ending this. I was just about to ask him when he interrupted.

"I'm very sorry you are in so much pain. We all know how it feels." I scoffed internally at his words. "But Carlisle had a reason for saving you…"

"Saving me?" I squealed. "Saving me? He's cursed me!" It was so much easier to shout then it was to talk.

Edward smiled on one side of his face. It infuriated me. "Cursed, that's an interesting way of putting it…" He spoke quietly and gently. I was surprised I was able to hear it. He took a deep breath and raised his head again. "He's given you another opportunity at life. It's not justifiable for someone to die as you were going to…"

"I am owed death." I spat. "It is not justifiable for someone to _live_ – _to remember - _after something like_ that_ happened to them." A dry tear squeezed itself out and fell from my right eye.

"Your human memories will fade." He sighed.

I somehow doubted his words. "Just go…" I managed to breath. It was pointless. I was obviously too late. Couldn't he see that I didn't want to live anymore? There was nothing that this life could offer me.

"I've seen you before, you know… for a very small moment, at the bank your father owns. Your mind stood out – even then. I could see how fiercely protective you are… and stubborn… I heard how you craved a family, but really you just wanted someone who would love you for you, unconditionally, instead of your… appearance."

Edward looked over his shoulder quickly and then he crouched beside me. He touched my hand ever so gently and then his hand moved away as quickly as it appeared as though he regretted the action. I was expecting Edward to be as cold as Carlisle's touch had been, but it was not... It felt the same temperature as my own skin. "Carlisle and Esme are good people. They are compassionate and _will_ love you unconditionally. You are part of our family now – as unconventional as it is. And in time, you'll begin to love them back." He stood and started to walk and was gone from my sight by the time I had blinked.

Even in this short time, it was obvious to see how much they loved each other and how much they steered Edward… as though he was their son rather than a sibling. I wondered if that was how they saw him. As a child of sorts. The poor woman had lost her own infant and was now unable to ever conceive another with her true love, so she took this almost fully grown boy under her wing and loved him as she would her true born child. Perhaps, they were exactly what I needed… as Edward said… someone who loved me for _me…_

I wanted to ask him how he knew this. Where has he 'heard' these things that I had never spoken to anyone about? But I couldn't speak. I was suddenly unable to move my body. I was completely paralysed but I could still feel. The pain was getting worse. Had something gone wrong? Had he done something to me?

"It's nearly time." Edward announced.

Time for what? I wanted to ask.

"It's nearly over Rosalie," Edward said, back by my side. Carlisle and Esme stood in the doorway. "Just try to keep yourself as calm as possible."

It was nearly over? I didn't see how! How could the pain be over when was getting so much worse? They were fussing over me, fetching things from other rooms and then putting them back multiple times. I could tell they were talking to each other, but I couldn't hear them. The buzzing sound in my ears was too loud. Surely my heart beat shouldn't be like this. I was dying. I was sure of it. I had to be.

My back suddenly arched without control and my chest lifted. It seemed impossible as it felt so heavy. I screamed one final scream and I fell back to the desk with a thud. And then, there was no more sound. Not even from the three people standing only a few feet away from me.

I wiggled my fingers and my toes, almost as if I was checking that they were still there. I opened my eyes and didn't recognise the room I was in, though I was sure I had not been moved since my arrival. Everything was so clear, even in the darkness. So crisp. So… wonderful. I stood instantly and felt the power within my body. I clenched my fists and felt the energy. For the first time in my life I felt strong. I was no longer vulnerable. I would be able to fight off anyone. No one would ever hurt me again. I suppose I had to be thankful for that…

I smiled slightly at the three bodies watching me. Edward stood differently than Esme and Carlisle, as though he was waiting for something… he looked so aware. It made me uneasy.

But I was no longer interested in them… In the corner of my eye I caught a reflection of myself in the window.

I was stunning. Despite the days I had just spent writhing I pain, my beautifully blond hair curled perfectly down to the middle of my back without a single hair out of place. It was longer than before and so golden I could have mistaken it for the sun itself. My lips were a paler, dusty pink, full and voluptuous. I had lost the pink blush in my cheeks, but my flawlessly pale skin did not miss it. I was always beautiful, but this was something else.

Edward laughed to himself, and I saw him roll his eyes… just infuriating in every way!

I didn't let him know that I cared. I didn't move my face from the image in the window. I couldn't fault a single aspect of my face… apart from my eyes. The beautiful and unique violet eyes were now a monstrous red.

"The colour will fade in time." Edward said.

"Why are they not like yours?" I asked no-one in particular. Their golden eyes were almost natural, but _these… _

"They're coloured with your human blood which still lingers in your body." Carlisle answered, taking a small step forward. "If you join us with our particular diet then they'll change to a golden colour within the year."

I did not reply. I continued to look at my new and improved self, trying to imagine my face with golden eyes that would match my golden hair. I stood so still, but looked so fluid. My beasts were pert, but not in an obvious way. My waist was slim and my hips were full. The bottom of my dress was ripped and I snarled at the sight behind it. I pulled the material to the side to expose the blood stained stockings I had on below. The red stain was heavy at the top of my thighs and had obviously dripped down the inside of my leg. I turned slightly to inspect the back, expecting to see scratches and bruises, but saw no marks of cruelty… almost as if it never happened. I laughed out loud at the thought of that! I grabbed the dirty, tainted material in my right hand and ripped it away in one effortless motion. "That's better." I smiled.

I was somewhat aware of a conversation happening between Edward and Carlisle. I had not being paying too much attention, but was still able to process everything they were saying.

"She'll be fine here for a few weeks. We are in a good position to hunt, and not too close to the human population." Carlisle spoke quietly.

"I wouldn't think she'd like to stay around here for long…" Esme whispered.

"No, we'll have to leave immediately. She's too recognisable. We can't risk her being seen." Edward moaned quietly.

"Of course, you are right. I've had a house set up for us in Tennessee for a while now." Carlisle replied rubbing his head. He was still finding it hard to make eye contact with me. "We'll leave tonight."

"No!" I bellowed without even thinking. I was not going to leave just yet. There were five men only a few miles from here who did not deserve to be alive… and I would make sure they knew that. The complete loathing I felt towards those men had not ceased to exist in my new state… I wondered if it would ever leave. Perhaps I had just transferred the dislike to Carlisle and his family… something I was now a part of? It made me feel safe… and though I would never admit it to them, I didn't want to be anywhere else then with them. There was one undeniable benefit from my new state because now _those men_ will get their comeuppance. They wouldn't win. I would win. _'Use this life to make a difference' _Esme had said… and that's exactly what I will do. "I have something I need to do first…"


End file.
